inthereellife:

How can I respectfully call a parent out on some unacceptable behavior?

I don’t know if this is still an issue, but you could try stating clearly the root of the problem, why it bothers you, a potential way to solve the problem.  Avoid the word ‘but’ and ‘I think’.  Try using ‘I understand’, or ‘it seems’ instead.  When they ask you a question answer clearly and then explain, some discussions can get heated for various reasons and the parent you’re discussing with may try to turn the conversation into a confrontation.  They may try to fixate on explanations in order to argue a point.  Also try to avoid pointing or making ‘stop’ gestures where your palm is facing them.  Instead of telling them ‘you’re not listen,’ ‘you’re not paying attention,’ etc, try: ‘this is something important to me, I’m willing to let you think about it before we finish this conversation, would you like me to give you an hour?’

For example (keeping in mind I don’t know what the behavior is so I’m just making something up) a conversation could go like:  It makes me uncomfortable with you make racial jokes, I understand this is something you grew up with, and that it doesn’t bother you.  To me the language is very disrespectful, will you please stop making those jokes around me.

If it’s a more pressing issue clearly outline the consequences for that behavior trying to remain as unemotional as possible.  The ultimate goal is usually to salvage, or improve a relationship, so be firm in what is acceptable or unacceptable while using a kind approach.  It’s wise to make the decision in these matters to focus on actions and not the person.

For example: I’ve noticed you’ve been drinking when you’ve been watching my kids alone.  When we first decided they’d come over to your house I asked you not to do that.  I have made clear requests about my children and I would appreciate it if you’d respect them, please don’t drink when you’re watching them alone anymore.  If that arrangement doesn’t work for you I can set something up so that they only visit when there’s someone else in the house with you.  Or you can come over to our house to visit.  It’s important to me that they have a relationship with you, I hope we can find something that works.

I hope this was helpful! I know there are so many things to discuss with parents that two examples can hardly cover the issues.  If you need more specific advice let me know.