SO excited to announce my new original comic “Walnuts!” It’s going to run in newspapers all over the world! I can’t wait to introduce you to characters like Gnarly Brown and his dog Scoopy, Sinus and Juicy, and of course Spearmint Peggy!
i can’t deal with this being an april fools gag i want a whole series like this just like i want a hardcover book that’s about these eldritch horrors
i’m not against vaping, but man, vaping two inches from my face on the subway is a ridiculous asshole kind of move. this dude was billowing like he was auditioning for the role of haunted house fog machine. the humidity in the whole car changed, he was ruining haircuts. just jump starting the water cycle. condensation was dripping down my glasses. people were slipping off poles, it was chaos. it was like watching one man try to terraform the moon. a planet with one dense, root beer scented atmosphere blocking out the sun and choking all life.
a nsa agent in a suit looking through my laptop camera: she’s on her phone…….. our data shows that she’s got tumblr open on her laptop but she has tumblr open on her phone………. double check her browser?
some nerd hired straight out of college: *types rapidly* she’s definitely got tumblr open on her laptop
the nsa agent, softly: so why is she looking at it on her phone…..
My husband and myself have served in the military. When we call home from overseas, our lines are monitored and on a short delay so no sensitive information is revealed. The line will just go dead if you say something you’re not supposed to.
Now, these calls are monitored by a department in the military called Signal corps. When we’d talk on my husband’s last deployment, we had a running joke that we said hi to “Signal Guy Fred.”
So this continued for his entire 12 month deployment, and we made sure we said hi or bye to “Signal Guy Fred” every phone call. On his final phone call before returning home we made sure to thank “Signal Guy Fred” for his time and wish him farewell.
So, before I disconnect the call, I wish “Fred” the best and thank him for his service. My phone was on speaker mode (I was cooking dinner) and my finger was hovering over the end call button when I hear the softest little, “My name’s Jason.”
writing style: author from the 1800s with a severe love of commas whose sentences last half a page
I came out here, to this point, to this place, hoping against all hope and despite signs and portends suggesting otherwise that I might, somehow, find myself having a pleasant experience, and yet here I stand, alone against the world, feeling assaulted, attacked on all fronts, knowing not my enemy’s name nor his face nor whether our battle is done.
my mum was telling me that when i was little there was a grasshopper on the car but i didn’t know what grasshoppers were called so i pointed at it and said “look at that handsome man”
pt 2: i saw a salamander (which i was terrified of for some reason) and i had a nightmare so i woke my mum up in the middle of the night saying “the salad man is coming”
Speak with Tenderness 